Excerpts -- A Fragment

At the time Mary Jane Tanner finished her autobiography in 1883, the Mormons had been in Utah for thirty-six years. Brigham Young, who had led them West, had been dead for six years, and John Taylor had succeeded him as president of the Mormon church. Eli Murray, a federally appointed non-Mormon, occupied the governor's chair. Conflict between the federal government and the Mormons was acrimonious. Only a year previously (1882) Congress had passed the Edmunds Law to deal with marriage and politics as they existed in Utah. With the passage of the act, prosecution of Mormons in the courts for living their principle of plural marriage was beginning to gain momentum and the Utah Commission, a presidentially appointed committee, began its work of reorganizing the election procedures in Utah that included disenfranchising Mormon polygamists. The Mormons had established and expanded settlements within the present limits of Utah, southern Idaho, and southeastern Arizona. Emphasis on settlement was now being given to colonies of refuge for Mormon polygamists escaping the judicial crusade in Utah into northern Mexico; southern Alberta, Canada; and unoccupied locations in states adjoining Utah.

In 1883 Provo, the home of Mary Jane Mount Tanner, was still a semi-frontier community with a population of less than 5,000 people. The streets and walks were unpaved. In 1873 the railroad arrived in Provo facilitating travel and trade with the rest of the territory. The town boasted a thriving semi-weekly newspaper The Utah Enquirer. The Utah State Hospital (originally designated the Territorial Insane Asylum) was almost completed. A most important economic factor in the community was the Provo Woolen Mills, which began operations in 1972 and employed over a hundred individuals. Brigham Young Academy, the first in a system of church schools established by the Latter-day Saints, was founded in 1875, and by 1883 had grown in enrollment from twenty-nine students to over four hundred. The Mormon church had erected Utah Stake Tabernacle and were in the process of building a larger one to accomodate the growing community. In addition to the Mormons, the Methodist Episcopal church and the First Congregational church had congregations in the town. The decade of the 1880s would see the transition of Provo from a pioneer community to a small thriving city.

On February 11, 1883, Mary Jane Mount Tanner wrote "I have finished my Memoirs and commenced coppying my journal." The task of writing and copying her autobiography into her journal had occupied her for four years. On this date Mary Jane was a few days short of her forty-sixth birthday. She described herself at this time as "a sincere believer of the cause which I have espoused, and an earnest worker in the kingdom. Weak in constitution but strong in spirit, with more ambition than strength to carry out. A lively disposition which has been somewhat saddened by sickness and sorrow. Of medium height and slender build, my average weight being 110 lbs. Complexion, neither blond or brunet, but fair skin with black eyes and hair."

Mary Jane had been married to Myron Tanner for twenty-seven years. They had nine children—three died in infancy or early childhood. Their oldest living child was Joseph Marion Tanner, twenty-four years old, who was teaching at Brigham Young Academy. Although Joseph Marion had been married to Jennie Harrington for five years, they had no children. The rest of Mary Jane's children were Bertrand Amasa (nineteen years old), who would marry later this year; Mary Elizabeth called Bessie (sixteen years old); Grace Lillian (fourteen); Lewis William (eleven); and the youngest Arthur Leroy (eight).

The Tanners had moved to Provo, Utah, twenty-three years before from Payson, Utah. Myron Tanner was involved in the business and religious affairs of the community. At the time Mary Jane finished her autobiography Myron was a farmer, a member of the Brigham Young Academy Board, director of the Provo Woolen Mills, member of the board of the Provo Co-op Store, and a Provo City councilman. For almost twenty years he had been bishop of the Third Ward of Provo. In 1881 Mary Jane described Myron as "a large man, measuring 5 ft. 10 in. in height and weighs 250 lbs. had brown hair and eyes and fair skin. Of pleasant disposition and sound judgement, firm in whatever he deems to be right . . . . He fills several important offices, both for the Church and County. He will be 55 years old his next birthday being nearly eleven years my senior."

In 1866 Myron Tanner had taken a second wife, Ann Crosby, a twenty-year-old Mormon convert from England. Ann, now thirty-seven years old, was nine years younger than Mary Jane and twenty years younger than Myron. In the seventeen years they had been married, Myron and Ann had had eight children—two babies died before they were a year old and two years previously (1881) an eleven-year-old girl had died of diphtheria. The youngest child at this time was two-and-a half-years old.

Mary Jane wrote "I have lived fifteen years in polygamy, which is a severe trial to our fallen nature, but God has sustained me, and I feel to rejoice that I am counted worthy to suffer for Christ's sake, that I may receive a glory and exaltation in the celestial kingdom of our God.

"I know that it is for the purification and exaltation of the human family, and I would not turn back that leaf of my history."

In 1880 Mary Jane also wrote Mrs. H. H. Bancroft, of San Francisco, in defense of Mormonism and expressed her views on polygamy.

"There is no accounting for or directing the dispositions of men and women, and many live unhappily together, where there is but one wife. I believe it is given for the regeneration of mankind. There are no healthier, or better developed children, than those born in polygamy. I cannot recall a single instance, as far as my observation extends of idiocy, malformation, or deformity among those born in polygamic relations. (It is a physical blessing to needy women.)

"It is thought to promote jealousy, but I believe it allays it; for our ladies certaily have unbounded faith in their husbands, which I am told, by those having opportunitios for observation, the Gentile ladies who visit among us have not." (Letter dated October 24, 1880, Utah Miscellany, 1880, Hubert Howe Bancroft Library, University of California, Berkeley)

Although she vigorously defended polygamy, the relationship within her own family was not even a tolerable one. the situation between Myron and his second wife Ann deteriorated to the point that Ann's children were removed from her care and in the latter part of 1883 Mary Jane was caring for some of them in her home. For a more candid view of Mary Jane's view on polygamy and an explanation of the situation with Ann, see the letter to her aunt dated October 7, 1883.

In her own words Mary Jane's life was "a busy one: rearing my children and seeking to do a little good in my humble way. I have always held a good social position wherever I have resided: not a leader of fashion, but one of refinement, loving the society of intelligent people. I have never been accustomed to luxury, but have lived comfortably, except through the general persecution of the Church. Cherished and protected by a kind companion, and the mother of a family of intelligent sons and daughters, my life has [been] comparitavely happy, though somewhat saddened by the death of three of our eldest children."

By 1883 Mary Jane had been president of the Provo Third Ward Relief Society for fifteen years, the ward over which her husband Myron presided as bishop. Mary Jane's diary entries note her numerous activities in connection with her position from "helping to fit out the missionaries for Arizona" (February 11, 1876) to "laying out" the dead. (September 1, 1878) One Twenty-fourth of July she not only cooked breakfast for fifteen members of the band who participated in the celebration but had helped make a banner for a float in the parade. "Sister Pratt and I have undertaken to make it [the banner] but it takes a long time for neither of us understand cutting the letters . . . . On one side is the inscription, Faith, Hope and Charity, On the other, Third Ward Relief Society, made in red and gilt letters. The banner is a white center with a blue border." (July 20, 21, 1878)

The Relief Society held an "indignation" meeting "expressing our sentiments in regard to polygamy" (December 16, 1878), and sewed and quilted for the benefit of the church. "We hope to turn our quilts towards building the Ward House. We have the rags ready for the Meeting House carpet. I have been today to find out what the portion for our ward will be." (March 22, 1879)

As president of the Relief Society, often with Myron in his role as bishop, Mary Jane called upon the sick and needy members of the ward. "Yesterday the word came that Mr. Gillard, The sick man I have called on, was dying. I did not go down but made arrangements for some to watch with him . . . . Went to the funeral today." (March 16, 1879)

Mary Jane often attended curch conferences not only in Provo, but Salt Lake City. While in Salt Lake she also attended to various personal needs from getting her false teeth fitted, to purchasing an organ and other items, to visiting individuals seeking their advice about publishing her poems. In addition there was a constant round of visiting relatives, friends, and acquaintances while in Salt Lake. "As Aunt Lucy lives near Dr. Sharp I stay there most of the time for I have to call on him nearly every day until I get my teeth fitted. On Tuesday I went to Henry Lawrence's and staid all night. On Wednesday I spent the day with Maggie Miles Henry's sister. I always visit them when I go to Salt Lake, . . . She went with me to call on Lizzie Carmichael, the old freind of my girlish days . . . . We called on Sister Cross . . . . I visited Sister Schofield the next day . . . . On Friday I went to Mother Leonard's. They were cleaning house, and I went to see Julie Lawrence now Mrs. Kimbal. She was pleased to see me and took me riding in her nice carriage." (May 23, 1874)

Visiting friends and neighbors in Provo was also a favorite pasttime, especially when there was a visitor from out of town. "Went visiting yesterday at Mrs. Marth Bullock's. Aunt Lucy Smith is up from Salt Lake City and we have to vist all around with her. We were all tired out talking. It was so late before we got any dinner we got faint and could not talk and some of us laid down. When I came home I told Jane and she told Marion and his father, and how they did laugh at me. I am tired of visiting and feel as if I did not want to go out again in a long time. Marion asked me to go to the party tonight but I said 'no, I had visited enough tonight to last awhile.'" (June 20, 1879)

The Tanner home in Provo was a way station for numerous relatives and friends. "Mother Tanner is here for a visit." (January 22, 1878) "As dinner was about ready Marion came, bringing Bishop Harrington . . . . Myron came in, in a great hurry to start home to Payson, and I was so tired and worried that I could hardly get it on the table. Dinner went off all right however and all got away and I sat down with my company and rested awhile. Then my sister Martha Read came with her two children . . . ." (April 5, 1878)

"I had a call from some people who were traveling and wished to make a cup of tea. Two ladies and a gentleman. They were acquainted with my sister Cornelia. After dinner they traveled on." (March 17, 1879)}

"Mother Coulson came to visit me a day or two; and then Sister Maria Lyman Myron's sister. Bro. Harrington came in the evening. I was delighted to see them, but I said to Janie. 'It never rains but it pours, for I had so many I did not know what to do with them. Had they been young folk, I could have stowed them away up stairs with the children, but they were old ladies, so I went upstairs and gave them my bed. I was not used to sleeping the the chamber, and the children were restless, so I did not get a very good nights rest, and got up with a headache." (March 30, 1879)

While they attended school, two children of Myron's brother Joseph boarded with the Tanner family in Provo, and Mary Jane took in the schoolteacher of her ward until she could find suitable accomodations. The Blair family, the mother and two daughters, stayed in the Tanner home while they looked for work and a place to live. "It is just a month since the Blairs came here. I had no thought they would stay so long." (August 24, 1878) And although she did not take in boarders on a regular basis, for a time a dyer working in the Provo Woolen Mills who was contemplating moving from Salt Lake, lived with the Tanners. (March 30, 1874) "When I got home I found six men here eating supper. They were pile drivers and came to repair the Provo Bridge. They will board here while they do the work and I shall have the money for it, . . ." (August 30, 1879)

There were the chores of cooking, washing, and ironing, and although Mary Jane usually had a hired girl, there was always plenty to do. I "have done a large wash. Three quilts and eight blankets besides the weeks wash." (June 4, 1878). "I have had a busy week. Have got my chambers cleaned and straw ticks filled." (October 5, 1879)

There was the seasonal housework when the house was scrubbed, the stove cleaned and polished, and the carpets taken up, mended, washed, and put down again. "The children made me nearly wild playing in the big room without a carpet. Hope it will not be such bad weather when the carpet is down to get it all mud." (April 14, 1879)

Mary Jane philosophized "Have got housecleaning over once more. and that is something to be proud of. To know that every corner is nice and clean, if it does not look any better. It is something like having a clear conscience. One feels well to know their own purity even if others do not know it. Our conciences too are some like our houses if they are defiled by mean action the dirt is sure to cre[e]p out somewhere." (October 24, 1879) Although, Mary Jane was more likely to complain "It is breckfast dinner and supper. Sweep, dust and make beds. I could not do it without the little girls and yet they worry and vex me. I have nothing to show for today. My labor done poorly and slowly done and that is all. My head aches and I am nervous and weary." (August 3, 1879)

In addition Mary Jane mentions soap making, butchering, and canning. "Autumn is once more approaching. Fruit is ripening and the busy season is here. I am busy taking care of my fruit . . . . fall work has come and there is less time now than ever." (September 1, 1878) She "made catsup and preserves and finished canning peaches Also finished cutting peaches to dry. My fruit is nearly finished" (September 23, 1879)

Her domestic chores also included making curtains, pillow cases, dresses, pantaloons, garments, etc., for her family. "Sewed on my dress today" (August 3, 1878) "Finished my tailoring yesterday I made Myron, Bertrand, Lewis and Arthur each a pair of pants, and Lewis and Arthur each a hat last week." (June 29, 1879) She complained "Commenced some pantaloons for Myron, I dislike to make pants for him very much. he is so large." (June 25, 1878)

Illnesses, accidents, and deaths were always present, and Mary Jane herself was not robust. Her photographs show a frail, sparrow of a woman, and in her diary she constantly laments over her poor health. With the birth of her son Lewis she almost died of "childbed fever," and she was continually plagued with headaches and fatigue. "Today I have a headache all day but that is no variety, I can scarcely tell when I have not had it." (March 10, 1878) She recorded the health of her family and her neighbors from toothaches (Mary Jane wore false teeth from age thiry-four) and colds to more serious diseases that often resulted in death, especially of children. (Of her nine children Mary Jane lost three at the ages of seven days, fifteen months, and two-and-a-half years.)

"Bessie had the toothache and had her tooth extracted It was a hard one and hurt her badly. Arthur had the toothache and kept me up all night. His face is badly swolen." (April 5, 1879) (Bessie was twelve years old and Arthur only four at this time.) "The children have the Whooping Cough. Bertrand, Lewis and Arthur, They cough very hard." (April 29, 1878) "I went to Nathan Barrett's to the funeral of their babe. It is the third one they have lost." (March 27, 1878) "Was sent for this morning to assist in laying our Mrs. Lizzie Stewarts baby. It died of whooping cough. Then attended the funeral of Sister Emma Bullocks baby. It died of Chicken Pox." (June 7, 1878) "Bro. Joshua Davis burried three of his grandchildren today . . . . They died of Diphtheria Several more are sick." (February 4, 1879) "Mr. Graham, Rachael Davis' husband died last night, and was burried today. It is hard for the young wife and mother to loose her babe and then her husband. Hard too that the nature of the disease prevents people from going to assist the living or pay the last repects to the dead. I wrote them a letter of condolence, but felt afraid to express my sympathy in any more substantial way. Diphtheria is such a fatal disease and we are advised not to expose our families to it." (February 13, 1879) "Nina Beebe Coltrin died this morning leaving a baby a few hours old. The news gave me quite a shock. It is dreadful to see so many young women die and leave young children." (January 30, 1883)

At times death and funerals became a way of life. Because of illnesses and accidents, the 1879 Fourth of July celebration was cancelled. There were "eight dead and dying in our little town." (July 5, 1879) Only a few months earlier Mary Jane recorded an especially poignant funeral of a "Mr. Gillard . . . . a poor man, and but little known . . . . The body nicely dressed in pure white, lay so cold and still, waiting the summons when the resurection shall end the victory of death, all unmindful of the curious eyes bent upon it or the agonized tears of the friends as they took a last look at the features, which, though far from handsome were still beautiful to those that loved him . . . . The plain black coffin sitting on the school house table, with the screwdriver beside it, waiting to tighten the lid over it after they have taken the last look. No doubt he sleeps as sweetly as in rosewood or mohogany, and goes as calmly to his rest as if he were carried from the midst of wealth. with craped mourners to weep him gone. Rest to his ashes, and peace to his soul, and may the mantle of charity shade every dark picture of his life." (March 16, 1879)

In addition to disease there were always accidents. "Mrs. Bunsferd was thrown from a wagon and run over. I went to see her she is badly hurt." (September 1, 1878) During a particularly cold spell, a family was "frozen to death . . . who were traveling in Provo cañon. They were a man and his wife and two children." (January 20, 1883)

Mary Jane had a busy social life. She attended the theater whenever the opportunity arose, lectures (one given by a phrenologist who examined her head and said she had good literary ability, which pleased her), school "Exebitions," picnics, and holidays. Invariably after a celebration Mary Jane lamented that "We are all feeling somewhat delapidated Hollidays are harder than washing days." (July 25, 1879) We "voted public hollidays a nuisance." (July 5, 1873) "Our ward is preparing for a picnic at the Hall next Saturday I dred picnics they make so much work." (January 13, 1878) After an especially exhausting Twenty-fourth of July, Mary Jane wrote " I am very tired and stupid this morning, and thankfull that the Twenty Fourth only comes once a year. The house is dirty and everything out of place. My head aches and I feel altogather out of sorts." (July 25, 1878)

However, there were holidays and celebrations that did not call forth Mary Jane's lament. Of an especially pleasant Christmas holiday she wrote "Christmas is over at last. The day so eagerly anticipated by the little folks. Owing to the decoration of the tree Santa Claus had but little for their stockings There were some cakes and apples and little prize boxes, and some trifles that Bessie had made for her brothers and sisters. Bessie had a nice wax doll and Bertrand a pair of skates. I sent the buggy for . . . some of those invited to dinner. I did not care to invite those who had friends and good cheer at home, but remembered the poor and the lonely. About ten oclock the band serenaded us. It commenced snowing about that time and the snow fell all day. The children were disappointed for they wanted a run, but they made their playhouse upstairs. We had a nice dinner and enjoyed ourselves until night when we sent the old people home with a covered carriage it was snowing so fast. I went with Myron to a ball at the Academy Hall. We enjoyed the music and dancing until eleven o'clock when we came home thoroughly tired, and glad to close the day and sleep until the beams of another day should call us to life and action" (December 25, 1877)

A reception for a couple leaving for a mission in the Hawaiian Islands "was held in the Academy Hall which was ellegantly decorated for the occasion. All the rooms were thrown open for the occasion and songs and recitations were followed by a repast where toasts and speeches were in order. and they were presented with a beautiful Bible and photograph album. After supper they danced until 12 when they were dismissed by singing and prayer." (May 21, 1879)

There was great diversity among Mary Jane's family, friends, and acquaintances. She had friends who were among the most devout Mormons and some who had withdrawn or were in disfavor with the church. Her entire life she corresponded frequently with relatives in the East who had never joined the church and who were, at times, very critical of church practices. Mary Jane's own father had become very bitter toward the Mormons during his lifetime.

Mary Jane maintained a relationship with the Henry W. Lawrence family, the family of her father's wife with whom she once lived. By 1883 Henry Lawrence was a successful Salt Lake merchant, had served for a brief period as a territorial marshal, and had been a member of the Salt Lake City Council. He had joined with a group of prominent Salt Lake City businessmen and church leaders to form Zion's Cooperative Mercantile Institution, a church run organization to pool the financial and merchandising energy of the territory. Henry Lawrence had been one of the founders of the Godbeite movement, a schism within the church aimed at curtailing the temporal power of Brigham Young in Utah. Because of his activities he had been excommunicated from the Mormon church in 1869. In 1870 he joined with other non-Mormon elements in Utah in forming the Liberal party and was serving in the territorial legislature when Mary Jane wrote her autobiography. Mary Jane recorded visiting the family long after Henry fell into disfavor with the church.

At the same time Mary Jane was a good friend of two of Apostle George A. Smith's wives—"Aunt" Lucy, who had once lived in Provo and now lived in Salt Lake City, and Hannah, who had remained in Provo after George A. Smith's death in 1875. Mary Jane was also acquainted with Bathsheba Smith, first wife of George A., and stayed in her home in Salt Lake City. In 1852 George A. Smith, one of the Twelve Apostles, had been appointed to preside over the affairs of the church in Utah County. Myron Tanner's friendship with George A. Smith had started years earlier when he worked for Smith in Kanesville, Iowa, in 1848, and came to the Great Salt Lake Valley for the second time in the George A. Smith-Ezra Taft Benson wagon train in 1849. Myron's choice of Provo as a place to settle and make a home was no doubt influenced by the fact that George A. Smith presided over the area.

Elizabeth Carmichael Williamson, a noted western poetess, was a girlhood friend of Mary Jane's. Married to a Gentile doctor, she was a non-conformist and was in conflict with church authority. By contrast Mary Jane was good friends with Agatha Pratt Ridges, the third with of Joseph Harris Ridges who built the first organ for the Salt Lake Tabernacle.

These were only a few of Mary Jane's friends and acquaintances, but it does indicate she had a variety of relationships during her life.

The responsibilities of her family, the never ending household labors, and the obligations of her church were more than enough to keep her busy, but Mary Jane was obsessed with writing. She expressed this compulsion time after time in her diary. "There is such a fascination in writing, when I give way to it that I should do little else if family cares did not oblige me to." (June 24, 1878) Mary Jane lamented constantly over her attempts to write when her children and houshold cares overwhelmed her. "I am trying to write some today but I always find it tedious work owing to the anoyance of the children. If I sit in the room with them they play and talk to me, and if I sit in another room they are continualy coming to the door for something and keep me answering their questions every few minutes. It is always so, and for that reason, as well as many others, I am not able to accomplish much in the literary line. I work a little and keep my papers in as good shape as possible. Family cares have taken my attention and long periods have passed without writing in my journal, and many interesting incidents are omitted" (December 26, 1877)

"Time is passing, . . . I did not take a pen last week. I was hurrying to get ready to write, but the fall work has come and there is less time now than ever. Bro Maeser wondered how I got time to write so much and so well with the care of a family on my hands. I wonder too, for I cannot collect my thoughts to do justice to my writing. I sometimes think I might do well if I had time, but I cannot study or read to any profit. It is work, work, and what is accomplished when it is done. The same old routine, all to be done over. So it goes, year in and year out." (September 1, 1878)

Besides her never ending work for her family and church, Mary Jane suffered from poor health. Tormented by depression, she wrote "How I long for strength to do my part in the mission assigned to woman. How I chaff and fret at the chains that bind me. Chains of weakness as powerful as if wrought of iron, more so, perhaps, for they bind me mentally as well as bodily. I feel that I am fettered and helpless, and cannot accomplish the work I should like to do I am too weak to read or study with profit. It is said that woman to write successfully must have an experience of her own. What experience have I or what can I have, bound down and hedged in by weakness and helplessness. I try to break the chains and escape from my prison, to revel in the joys of liberty, with freedom of thought and range of vision that may give to my understanding and intellectual faculties a field to labor in; but I soon fall back panting and helpless like the bird that beats the wires of its cage, only to ruffle its feathers and bruise its wings. Yet in a quiet way I have done much work. There is a subtle instinct that leads me on, a spirit that will not rest. It is years now since I began to note down ideas and fancies of my mind, a thought or trifle sudgested by some passing event. The desire grew upon me to do something worthy of attention, but I have so many fears and missgivings. I seem so ignorant so narrow and confined, so far from the position I should like to hold, with so little strength to accomplish my task that I sink back in weariness and dispair. But I will do the little that I can, and if I am never known outside of my own circle, perhaps God in His mercy will judge my weakness leniently, and my children will rise up to be an honor and a blessing." (March 17, 1879)

In addition to the demands of her children, her home, and her poor health, Mary Jane noted bitterly that "Myron is opposed to my writing. Thinks it hurts me. So I only keep up my journal and it is really all I feel able to do. Drudge and worry, day after day, weak and worn out, mind and body, but that will not hurt me. The battle of life demands it, and necessity keeps me up, but oh how I long for rest. For time to think and strength to say and do things which it is a pleasure to accomplish. It would seem such a rest, such a throwing off of the burdens of life. But that might hurt me, give me a headache or something. I am bound hand and foot. If I ever get into the light or rise to any purpose it will be through opposition and discouragement, and I know that I cannot. I have not strength The bonds that hold me though seeming only gossamer are strong as chains of steel. and I fret my poor wings against the bars only to fall back weaker and more hopeless than ever. I should not fret when so many momentuous questions are at stake, nor weigh my ideal sorrows when so many real troubles are before us. But what to me if empires rise and fall. I cannot stay them in my weakness In my littleness I would hide my diminished head while the worth of the nations pass over." (August 3, 1879)

Myron's reaction to Mary Jane's publishing a book was anything but favorable. "I was talking to Myron about publishing my book. I have never said much about it to him before. He thinks it a foolish Idea, that the world is so overstocked with litteraure that my bookes would not be noticed, and I would never get my money back. He says too, I would have to stand the fire of criticism. I am so sensitive to ridicule that I shrink from exposing myself to its shafts. I feel that I shall get no encouragement from him, and do not know if I shall have courage to pursue my ambition or even get my book in print." (August 18, 1878)

Despite her fears of acceptance of her writing and Myron's opposition, Mary Jane continued to write, and in more positive tones she recorded "Whatever talent or genius I might possess certainly leaned toward literature, and I found it a pleasure and profit to devote a portion of my time to study and improvement in that line. My inclination led me so forcibly in that direction that such time as I could spare, without detriment to my family cares, was spent with my pen or my books. After writing a number of poems which met the approbation of people of taste and intelligence, I conceived the idea of publishing a book. My friends encouraged and urged me so strongly to do so that I have set about the preliminary preperations. I have compiled my poems and ascertained the cost of publishing, but I shrink from taking my position before the public as an author. My book will consist of 125 pages and I have been drafting a preface." (January 25, 1879)

Mary Jane consulted Edward W. Tullidge, author and publisher in Salt Lake City, for his opinion of her proposed book and the cost of publishing it. She also sought advice from Emmeline B. Wells, editor of the Women's Exponent. She submitted her manuscript to Karl G. Maeser, president of Brigham Young Academy, for his opinion. "Bro. Maeser's criticism is not reassuring He is accustomed to teaching and brings out every fault. Making one feel the full sense of their inferiority. No encouragement or extenuation. It is best perhaps for I should feel a double weight of humiliation if my book was out and past all chance of correction. Where a principle is involved I feel the right to disagree with him if I choose but in educational matters he has the advantage of me. I feel as if I had no one to go to for advice. I cannot go to him for he has so much else to think of. If I would presume to stand up I am expected to know how; and I feel my stren[g]th fail me and my sense of ignorance and inferiority overpower me utterly. Where can I turn or how lift myself from the bonds that hold me down. I cannot take the course of study necessary to develop my faculties. That is impossible and I sometimes feel like abandoning the thought of publishing. 'Let the cobbler keep to his calling.'" (July 17, 1879)

In another fit of discouragement, Mary Jane wrote "Not very original, Bro. Maeser would say. Well, I am tired of looking for originality. I find nothing in life but what others have seen and known before me. We live in toil and plod along, and what of it? If we have a pleasure others have had the same. Do we learn something Some one else has known it. Even our sorrows are much like other peoples. Nothing original about them I have all I can do to drag through the hot weather . . . ." (August 1, 1879)

Before sending her manuscript to a publisher, Mary Jane submitted it to John Taylor, president of the Mormon church at this time, for his approval. His critique of her poems did little to encourage their publication. "I read Pres. Taylors letter to Myron this morning. He says I have an inclination to write in mournful numbers. Myron was ready to condemn my writing immediately and criticized severely the sorrowful cast (as he calls it) of some of my poems. I felt hurt and discouraged. There are many vague, undefined feelings that crowd upon my mind but my pen cannot form them into words." (June 15, 1879)

In the latter part of 1878, Mary Jane received a small inheritance from her father's estate, and although she did not indicate to what use she put this money, perhaps it was used to realize her dream of publishing her poems. Despite all the criticism and her feelings of inadequacy, the desire to see her poems in print was stronger and the small volume titled Fugitive Poems appeared in 1880. Unfortunately, Mary Jane's diaries do not exist for this period and so her and the public's reaction to the book is unknown. Her later diaries contain only brief mention of the publication.

A poem in her book titled "Such is Life" eloquently expresses Mary Jane's valiant efforts to write amid the demands placed on her.

My Dear Aunt Mary,

Grace is quite out of sorts because there is no note paper in the house, but I am going to be content with a large sheet, if that is not enough I will take another. I was much pleased with your long letter. I like gossippy home letters. It seems to bring us nearer togather. I guess it is the only way we shall ever get any nearer. I saw an advertisement of notice in the paper of an excursion to Chicago, return tickets for 68 dollars, I think it was. It gave 60 days time. I thought what a nice chance that would be, to visit Aunt Mary. I don't know what it would cost to go from Chicago to your place, but I keep thinking I may have money some day so I can take such an opportunity. A great many of our ladies visit the East. they like to visit but are always glad to get back. They say everything seems so different They would not give their homes, their religion and the true hearts behind them for the wealth and splendor of the world. I am glad you like my white ducks. You shall have a pair. I will cook them for Christmas for you and you must be sure to come to dinner. They are so prety and such pets. They are not the common duck but almost as large as geese. That was quite a duck story without any drake. Bessie says what difference did that make. Well, she will find out some day. I like to have my freinds share all my good things. I always show them everything new when they come to see me. I think they ought to admire them and be glad because I am. I dont care much about sharing my husband with anybody though, but if it is right I should, and they are willing to share with me and not try to crowd me out, I will try to do the best I can. However I have had the trial and I found that I could live through it. Perhaps the Lord thinks I have been tried enough and is going to release me. Like the bad boys who heard an old lady pray for bread. They took her a loaf and laughed to hear her thank the Lord for it. Well said she "the Lord sent it if the Devil brought it." If my release is accomplished I should give the Lord thanks even if it is done through the whisky bottle. But I dont think I am very grateful. I am used to plurality and can live very happy in it with a good woman. I am not very selfish and feel willing to accord every body their rights. I have as many children as I care about and am not particularly elated with the prospect of raising another family. I have a new boy about ten days ago, a fine fellow. That is three this year, faster than they increased in my young days. Now you will have your curiosity aroused. I told you Myron had an overdose of motherinlaw [Ann Crosby Tanner's mother]. Well the motherinlaw and the whiskey bottle have carried the day and Myron and I have got the children. That is not the way everybody does in polygamy. It is rare for women to drink. I do not know of but one other case. They are English. She was young and prety, but her mother and older sister came out a few years after she was married and they were used to drink in the old country. They led her into it and she is gone in spite of all Myron could do to save her. Myron says if Addie is waiting for him tell her to come right along and she may have the four boys for a beginning I dont want them all I am not a bit selfish

It is foolish perhaps to tell you about our family matters. you are so far away you might just as well think we are all getting along nicely Well we are, but accidents will happen in the best of families Myron is just as good as he can be and such a nice fat old man. He has just come home from conference at Salt Lake. I know you would like him. I think uncle Hunt has deserted you entirely you had better come and share with me. Well that will do for a joke.

You speak of Babies at Bay City. We dont raise Babies that way. They would not grow well We trie to raise all of our babies but civilization is making some progress here. a baby was found last spring in the aqueduct that carries water through Salt Lake City. It was pronounced a seven month child and the mark of instruments was on its head. So much for Utah. we are progressing. The law courts rule in favor of whiskey shops and sustain dram sellers against every effort we make to keep down the liquor traffic We think it a curse to the country and fight it continualy Our higher officers are all appointed and sent here from the east and they try to have every thing their own way regardless of the interrest of the people They try to get legislation against us all the time The Edmunds bill does not accomplish all they wanted it to and they are mad about that. I think Bert's wife must be a funny woman and rather disagreable, perhaps that is why Uncle William never says anything about him. I should have no patience with her queer notions on religion You say Nettie is failing. She is the one that left her husband, is she not? I did not know she was sick. Uncle wrote that Mrs. Rowe was getting better.

Nov 4, 1883. I had half a notion not to send this petty letter but I guess there is no great harm in it you need not let anybody see it. Myron has had trouble for severel years with his other wife. I have told you men's lives were not strewn with roses in these much married relations. If women was all they wanted they could buy or steal them as others did and save themselves so much trouble and then Congress would have no ocaision to make laws to punish them. She has taken such a course that he has not lived with her for over two years. finely she has gone so bad that he has taken his children from her. Those old enough to know anything would not stay with her. She has a nice daughter 16 years old just two weeks older than my Bessie [Sarah Ellen]. She has lived with Marion over two years. A bright little girl of eleven died of diphtheria two years ago. A boy 15 [Caleb] lives with me, came last January a boy of eight [William Myron] came to me last spring. I could not send him home to such a mother, so I kept him. There is another boy five [Freeman], and a boy three [Leonard]. I have him. Some people want two of the boys. Nice folks with no children of their own. and I gues he will let them raise them for I do not want to be tied to such a large family, but I am willing to do all that is right. I shall probably keep the youngest. Bertrand talks of marrying this fall. we are well pleased with his choice. He is young but it will teach him to think for himself, and perhaps make a man of him. He is not a wild or bad boy but inclines more to rough work and farm life. Well we cant order things always to suit us. I think he will make a fine looking man. We would like very much to have you come to the wedding. It will be strictly a family party. Now I think you might invite me to Addie's wedding I think I have written enough for once or twice so good night. I have just been writing to my sisters Cornelia has a new boy and Martha is looking for one.

Your Loving Neice —M. J. Tanner



	A Fragment The Autobiography of Mary Jane Mount Tanner